I am writing,
again
Writing because I don’t know what I’ll do
if I don’t force my fingers to keep
tap,
tap,
tapping on the keyboard
Writing because I’m worried the monsters in my head are
winning this time

I’m scared how much it hurts to live
right now
The darkness is enveloping me like a cloud of
despair,
filling my lungs until I feel like I can barely
breathe

I grasp for air
again,
and again,
and again
as one of my cats jumps down from the desk and
leaves the room
Unaware of the suffering I’m enduring
Unaware of the thin line I’m walking right now between life
and death

Life
and
death

Life is… it’s like a mountain I have to climb
Happiness is at the
top
Hopelessness is at the
bottom
And I
climb,
and climb,
and climb
Exhausted
Drained
Losing the will to keep climbing with every step I take
It seems like I’ll never make it to the top

Then, through the cloud of darkness,
I can see the top of the mountain!
So close, but still so far
But I keep
climbing,
climbing,
climbing
Until an avalanche comes roaring down the mountainside
I can feel the ground start to shake beneath
my feet, unsteady

I can see the snow,
and the cold,
and the darkness getting
closer,
closer,
closer

I wish I could run,
hide,
huddle up somewhere until it
passes
But I can never get out of the way in time,
and the avalanche drags me
down,
down,
down

As I tumble down the side of the mountain,
I can feel every tree branch,
every rock,
even the tiny little pebbles
They all bruise my skin,
tear at my face

Going down the mountain hurts even more than the pain of
climbing up it
And I know that once I land at the
bottom
Once I am back on the
flat ground of
hopelessness
I’ll have to brush myself off and begin the climb
again

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